Thursday, August 7, 2008

Does Tendulkar have the best timing?

The Board room was heating up although the air-conditioning was working fine. I did not like the business case Jack Belch was pushing like all his previous ideas. Jack wanted us to acquire Moon Holmes, a company proposing to sell real estate in Moon (or was it Mars since that is where all men came from?). As a Chairman, I had already lost my faith in him. Moon Holmes indeed; they could not even spell ‘homes’ right! Also I did not like his pink tie nor did I, mildly put, appreciate the fact that he was having an affair with my secretary.

He was ranting on, “Salil, acquiring Moon is going to take us to the next level beyond the reach of any other player in the world.”

“If my memory serves me right, that is what you said the last time too, Jack”, I replied giving a wink to Warren Duffet, my CFO. Not that I liked him either, but he was the only guy who would come with me to play golf every weekend even though I would beat him miserably.

“But Salil, this time it’s different”, Jack said, passing a mysorepaku for me. He was doing his best to convince me.

“And that is exactly how you referred last time about your earlier so-called-strategic-move”, I had to be emphatic this time. I wondered how Sree Krishna sweets alone made mysorepaku so well when even Nike is duplicated better in Ulhasnagar and China.

At that point, everybody fell silent. Not because I raised my voice, but the room was echoing with “Choli ke peeche kya hai, choli ke peeche..”.

I picked up my mobile phone to see who was calling. It was Bill Mates, my best buddy, who was working as the COO in our biggest competitor, Lycrasoft, but who would not work for me stating that it would sour our personal relationship. I disconnected his call wondering why he called me knowing well that I was in the Board meeting.

Jack continued, “Salil, this is the opportunity of our life-time. I think we should go ahead and buy Moon. Though it is has no customers or business plan as of now, the founders are confident that they will find a way by searching on google. It seems anything can be found on google these days.” I noticed that the painting hanging on the wall behind him was also slanting like his logic.

“Choli ke peeche kya hai, choli ke peeche..” again

Sensing urgency, (because Bill would not call me twice during the Board meeting) I answered his call. Bill did not wait for the usual exchange of niceties or let me speak. He whispered “Jack has negotiated a deal to join us as the CEO starting next quarter. He is pushing the Moon acquisition to ruin you guys and keep you out of the competition once he takes over Lycrasoft.” The only thing I managed to say was, “Bill, I love you da.” This left the Board member sitting to my left wondering if I was gay.

I looked Jack in the eye and said in my sweetest voice ever, “You have made your point, Jack. Moon Holmes is an attractive investment and I think you should definitely acquire it after joining Lycrasoft.”

Without saying anything further, I got up and walked to the door. On the way out, I noticed that the Italian director I inducted last month was actually nodding his head to the music from his iPod and not to the discussions as I had thought. I shouted over my shoulder, “Jack, you are fired”, while I appreciated myself for sending the senior executives on mandatory vacation of three weeks since it helped me identify whom I can do without.

As I banged the door of the Board room, I woke up....

Now tell me doesn't Bill Mates have a better timing than Sachin Tendulkar?

[Disclaimer: Any resemblance to people alive, dead or yet to be born may or may not be coincidental, but is definitely not intentional]

16 comments:

kaiser said...

da, this is a real funny one!!! I liked the pun intended and not so intended between the lines. Keep going my man.. and hey next time, keep me posted on what Duffet does next!! :-)

Salil said...

@Kaiser:
Thanks. Finally somebody got the pun. Let me think about Duffet's life and will post a blog.

Sriram said...

"the painting hanging on the wall behind him was also slanting like his logic" - very funny post man.

You seem to have a lot of time to think so wildly.

Sri

Salil said...

@Sriram:
His logic was very bad. What if the internet is not working? :-)
I find time since I travel a lot. This particular blog was written when my flight from Denver airport was delayed by more than an hour.
Thanks for your comment.

Grean Sleeves said...

Now imagine waking up to find that you actually do know Jack, Warren, and Bill at this same personal level. Would you consider yourself blessed or cursed?

Salil said...

@Grean:
Good question. Reminds me of a sardar joke.
"Interviewer: Imagine you are in the 3rd floor and it catches fire. How will you escape?
Sardar: Its simple. I will stop my imagination."

Sibs said...

Bring it on! though I like the fact that you sympathise with me :)

Salil said...

@Sibu:
Hey thanks for coming this way and leaving your footprints.
I plan to post one every Thu/Fri till the bite of the writing bug lasts.

giri said...

mmmmmm....that was a mouthful (or a brainful)...u do show signs of class....keep going, keep polishing, truly worth the effort....

Salil said...

@Girish:
Thanks for your comments (take a bow).
I will buy a new polish this weekend to polish them better.

Joseph said...

Is the next columnist for NewYork times getting ready?

Salil said...

@Joseph:
You are brilliant! How did you figure out it happened while I was at the helm of New York Times :-)
Jokes apart, that is a good idea for another post in the 'Dream' series.

Vimal said...

Salil:
I believe you have a lot of free time to brush up yr old comic character!!!!
Onam is almost here and new releases will be out soon, to relax a little more in yr hectic schedule.
Good and very interesting as well.

Salil said...

@Vimal:
Hey thanks buddy.
Friends like you are the true inspiration for getting humour out of me (such jokers.. ha ha :-))
I have an Onam special lined up too. Keep coming back.

raj said...

You are going great guns bro, i liked it..:)

Salil said...

@Raj:
Thank you for the encouraging words. See you around..