Sunday, July 26, 2009

No excuse for no exercise

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you would rather not - Mark Twain

Virgil once famously remarked that the greatest wealth is health. I think people ignore that advice. They spend their health to gain wealth in the first half of their lives, and then spend their wealth to regain their health in the latter half. In fact, a person's health can be judged by which the person takes two at a time - pills or stairs.

As I approach middle age, I realize what 'middle age' means : it is when your age starts to show around your middle. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I have been employed for the last 12 years, and my only savings have been the added girth around my equator. But I feel better off than a colleague of mine, who has what one would call a soldier's stomach - everything that he eats goes to the ‘front’. He also has flabby thighs, but fortunately his stomach covers them. If he had acted in the place of Russell Crowe in Gladiator, the character would have been named Gluteus Maximus instead of Maximus Decimus Meridius.

For a large part of my life, the only exercise I got was eating and sleeping. I can imagine a lot of readers nodding their head as they read this. No, I am not implying that that is the case with them (though honestly, I am). In fact, if it weren't for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all. I guess women are better off, since they get a lot of exercise doing shopping, as they walk up and down giant shopping malls, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Then computers arrived, and I started getting my exercise by swiveling on the computer chair, typing on the keyboard, and clicking the mouse. Once I got employed, I got plenty of exercise at work by jumping to conclusions, beating around the bush, dodging the issue, going back on my word, swimming against the tide, and pushing my luck.

Despite all this, I have always ‘wanted’ to be healthy and fit. But as they say if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I have this constant fear that if I don't take care of myself, the undertaker will overtake that responsibility for me. In fact, I have become so obsessed with health these days that I sense there is something fundamentally ‘unhealthy’ about it.

I do exercise once in a while, if only to hear heavy breathing again. As I have to force my body to exercise, I do it early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. At other times, when I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. Like every one else, I have 'joined' several health clubs and spent a lot of money. But I haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up! I guess if I were born in UK, I would have lost a few pounds (GBP).

Though there are a host of health books, articles, blogs, etc, I never read them heeding to Mark Twain: “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” Also I never bought any home exercise equipments, because everybody I knew used them as clothes hanger. In fact a friend of mine argued that his food is enriched with high iron content because he uses his dumbbells to bash meat.

Walking/jogging/biking could help stay fit. As per research (my blog, my research!) for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month. Talking of that reminded me of the famous joke – “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60; now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is”. How I wish I could say that about my wife one day (Rakesh, this joke is dedicated to you). By the way, I do enjoy long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Then, there is dieting. It is an alien concept in the part of world where I come from, where people think that they exist on this world to eat. When I heard about the benefits of a healthy diet, I switched to 'fat-free' chips and 'light' beer. The diet experts claim that red meat is bad for you. I don't believe them because I have never seen a sick-looking tiger. If you see blue-green meat, now, that might be bad for you. By the way, have you heard of the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out!

Everybody these days are advising me to buy Wii Fit. Of course, I would need to buy a TV and Wii before that. But isn’t it ironical to think that you could be fit by playing games on TV? However, it is not too funny if you consider that most people do seem it logical to 'drive' to the gym doing their best to avoid walking, or to order a 'diet' coke along with a 'double cheese' burger.

I got to work out. I keep saying it all the time. But it has been about three months since I have worked out. And I just don't seem to have the time. That is funny considering that I do find time to go out on long lunches and dinners. To watch movies. To update my Facebook status message and to write blogs. But the question that I keep asking myself is - Do I exercise to keep fit? Or do I need to be fit to exercise, in which case do I need the exercise?

So my dear readers, here’s wishing that you live as long as you are fit, but no longer. Or, may you rather die before you cease to be fit, than after. Ok, if that sounded awkward, then here’s a tip to keep fit!

35 comments:

Devika said...

you got to blog often, Salil

But, I had to read the title to understand again at the end to know what you were suggesting....One who doesn't follow is not "fit" to advise!

hey, kidding...i live among a group of fitness maniacs who drive a 1 km way to Gym and build muscles...when walking that 1km was all that was needed to keep them fit,

as for me, i walk...and deep breaths (pranayaamaam) and laughing while at computers is my main exercise,.....and believe me reading blogs helps in that deep breath/laughter :)

Go this exercise of blogging more, Salil....for laughing is a good exercise and making others laugh is a gift that only few possess:)

wishes,
devika

Devika said...

I said "Do this exercise of blogging more..." last para :)

devika

Showa said...

Good Stuff. As an exercise freak it still takes a lot of will power to go to the gym.

I like the part of annoying folks going for long walks. When I say "Take a walk" to them it will sound like great advise.

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Lol! Salil, I figure you've done urself more harm than good via this post....... since you rubbed your wifey the wrong way! I hope (and pray) that you do not become the treadmill soon! Please be very very careful..... you've courted a lot of trouble......
;))

And hey, I forgot, I hope (and once again pray) that you are not subject to that Chinese-man-eating-live-frogs-and-rats tip!!!!!! ;)

Nevertheless, I wish you good health always

ബോണ്‍സ് said...

Could not help laughing and looking at myself :)

dreamysap said...

Nice one :)

Santosh PM said...

Thanks for the "tip" cool dude. Now that i am in bangalore, there is not much of frogs around. Could have tried it had I been in cochin...

I Witness said...

I am commenting purely because I want to be on your merit list when you make one next year on the second anniversary of your blogging!!!

writerzblock said...

ROFL....well what else do I do every time I visit your blog? I was just thinking of shutting down the Comp and turning on the Treadmill, but you've made me reconsider!!

Keep writing!

Gazal said...

People who are gifted with great jeans..err genes can laugh and blog and laugh yet again about exercising and dieting.

am waiting for the day when status changes and reading blogs will lead to calorie burning exercise.

till then it's going to be Gym and walks for the likes like me.
kudos.

shail said...

Rightly said, middle age means the middle starts showing your real age. Sigh. What I cannot understand is the correlation between blogging and 'middle' age. The more you blog the more your 'middle' ages. Rummy if you ask me.

Well at least my laughter muscles got their dose of exercise to day reading your post Salil. :)

Shail said...

Pssst! I have the same aim as I Witness. I don't want to be among the last in the next anniversary blog. My aim is the top most slot.

Renu said...

Earlier I used to say that I ate to live, but today I live to eat:)...dieting and all takes away the enjoyment of living, what is the point in living a long but boring life:)

Govind said...

Excercising is a mighty serious affair
which I contemplate sitting on my armchair
they say you need to get out of bed to prepare
which is scarier than your worst nightmare
I think I'll review it maybe after an year.

BTW your friend can show off his sixpack derriere
when he gets a chance to act in 'The Gladiator'.

Salil,great stuff.Eat,drink and be merry

ZiLliOnBiG said...

haha, nice one, you sound as if you spoke for me. Cheers:)

Nandish said...

Salil.. This blog reminded me that i am approaching "Middle age" and itz high time that i stop eating and start working out :-).. Nice write up..

Hari said...

Good One. It is always mind over matter (food)… In my case it is the other way around.

Gauri said...

Cheers to the Salilisms :)
Also wanted to let you know that you've been nominated for the "Circle of Friend Award." Use the link below to view the post http://timesunlimited.blogspot.com/2009/08/circle-of-friends-blog-award.html

sunny said...

nice blog

अर्शिया अली said...

Nice Blog. Congrats.
{ Treasurer-T & S }

shri ramesh sadasivam said...

Laughable!

Laughed most when you lie down till the feeling surpasses!

:)

radha said...

True, no point putting off things for tomorrow. As you grow older, there are not too many tomorrows left. But then, coming to think of it, in that case, may as well enjoy today. And whenever I see a new post here, will make it a point to exercise ( which may not be too often!)

Aditya said...

lol. Why exercise when we have your blog to read? . Pretty cool exercise to our minds and tummies ;)

Superb writing!

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

I have become so obsessed with health these days that I sense there is something fundamentally ‘unhealthy’ about it.

toooooo good! keep bloggin :)

MAN IN PAINTING said...

Nice one as always.
take care

Devika said...

Hello.....Alive or dead?? :)

People will forget theie way here, Salil :)

wishes,
devika

Web designer said...

LOL it was very funny I enjoyed it :) thanks for sharing you make my day ...I will keep visiting this blog very often.You're site cracks me up. I love this story. You are very talented with your writing.

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FUN & FACT said...

ha ha ha that was a funniest . I have ever seen great work keep it up best of luck I’ll send this to my friends :) thanks for sharing it mind blowing.

DIU

Salil said...

@All:
Thank you for your comments.
However, I apologise for not replying to your comments individually as I normally do. Guess there is no point replying now :-(

Fire Dragon said...

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Trúc Tiên said...

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